Weapons of Ass Destruction

The other day I saw this cute little story about how Crayola crayons can bring peace to the world. According to said story, all we needed to do was drop "crayon bombs" and the lovely colors would mesmerize everyone into perfect harmony (I thought Coca-Cola had that monopoly?). It was a really cute story, but was apparently written by someone who has no children whatsoever. You see, in our household crayons are weapons of ass destruction- namely my children's. The second the crayon basket hits the kitchen table, all hell breaks loose and my formerly serene and well-mannered children turn into rejects from Lord of the Flies- only no pig's head, just pig-headedness oh, I just kill myself sometimes... Anyway, out comes the crayons and up on the table goes my son. Amid shrieks of "Noooooo Alex!!" and "Mooooom!!" I find my son with fistfuls of crayons, gleefully biting the pointed ends off and throwing them across the room. As I rescue him from the wrath of his sisters, who are doing their best to push him headfirst off the table in the name of freedom of expression, he begins to scream and flail- knocking papers, artwork and the remaining crayons off the table. My girls start wailing in frustration at having to pick up the crayons from the four corners of the kitchen and then start fighting among themselves over who's doing all the work. As I wrangle a toddler who's hell-bent on demolishing the artwork in the other room, I hear my girls continuing their argument- this time over who is hogging the pink, followed by "Don't copy me!", "But I need the blue right nooooow" and other such statements delivered with vehement whining. After about 15 minutes, I have had enough and come hurricane-force into the room telling everyone to stop the nonsense and clean up the crayons and anything-not-picked-up-will-be-thrown-out!!! My daughters burst into tears and begin cleaning up (sobbing all the while) and my son goes back to crying at not being allowed to fling crayons. I generally lock myself into my walk-in closet for 2 minutes of peace. So I guess crayon bombs could be effective, but maybe not so much for world peace.