Birth Control? Yeah, Right...

My life as a woman seems to be based on some crazy hormonal cycle that runs not only month to month, but changes as I age too. Duh! you say, there's that whole biological clock thing.... but I am talking about something else, those pesky reproductive years. Phase I: Remember this? You are in college, unmarried and having fun ( if my daughters are reading this, I did not do any of this, I was a saint until I met your father). So you obsess over every late period and hormonal imbalance, praying that you're not pregnant. You put an amazing amount of effort into worrying that your birth control methods might have failed and wondering how you'd tell your family if it did. Phase II: You are older, married and can't wait for children. Now you obsess over monthly cycles, cervical mucus, body temps and ovulation predictor kits. You soon find out that your health teacher was a complete liar and wonder why you worried so much about birth control when it was obviously not as easy to get knocked up as you were led to believe.You buy pregnancy tests by the truckload and are addicted to peeing on just about any diagnostic strip that will stand still. You pray for a plus sign on every pregnancy test and plan the ways you'll tell husband and family the joyous news....then comes Phase III: You are done. Hooray! No more obsessing, no more hanging on to baby clothes and cribs "just in case" and no more throwing up, heartburn or nursing babies. You can look ahead, concentrate on your family, reconnect with your husband and your sex life has never been better. This is where it ends for most of us. But then there are always those few of us that are casually eating dinner one evening and suddenly realize that you can smell the aftershave of the gentleman 3 tables away....and no one else can. One hour and 3 trips to the pharmacy later, you are staring at 2 plus signs and a double pink line and wondering how the hell you're going to tell your husband that despite your best efforts, one more baby is on the way. It's certainly not the worst thing in the world, but it's enough to throw the best of us. So to all you ladies out there in Phase III....don't get too complacent, life will find a way.