My Epiphany

I had an epiphany this morning. You see, we had a lousy Labor Day weekend. Our plans to go out of town fell through, our house is in the middle of being completely reorganized (my fault) so the whole upstairs is just plain depressing, I'm behind on everything and my son alternately wrecked what little was left of order in the house and pitched nonstop tantrums at the changes in his schedule. I have been overwhelmed, hormonal (thank you pms) and exhausted for the past two weeks. My husband is afraid to talk to me and the girls are quieter than usual. I keep telling myself that when the chaos passes I will be a better mom, I'll be a better wife, I won't be so cranky...enter my epiphany. This is my life. The chaos comes from a house full of children and love and laughter and mess. The dishes and laundry and bills are all just the flip side of the coin. I have been working so hard to make our home perfect, to make it something the kids will remember fondly and my husband will be proud of. I have been freaking out over cereal on the floor, juice spilled on the couch and the neverending pile of laundry. But childhood memories don't work that way. Our children won't remember that the house was always spotless, or that they always had clean clothes. They will remember that I bought them a new Easter dress every year, the ice cream dinners we had every summer, the way I let them help me cook dinner and the way I smelled. They will remember if our home was a happy place, the family walks we took to the bookstore, the times I took them swimming. They'll remember our big family holidays -the fun, not the dishes and expenses and stress. I know, I know...duh, not much of an epiphany, right? But for me I hope it is life-changing. I hope I can let go of my ideas of perfection. I hope I can stop working so hard to contain the chaos and embrace it instead. I hope I can remember that laundry doesn't end, but childhood does. And I hope I can be a calmer, happier mom that my children will remember lovingly. After all, it's not money or paint colors or clean carpets that make a home- it's family.