"The TALK "

Recently I had "THE TALK" with my 8 year-old daughter. I have been skirting this issue for several years now, providing answers on a need-to-know basis (as in how much of this do you really need to know right at this moment?). I thought I was doing pretty well considering I had actually made it through a pregnancy and given birth without too many questions. I thought for sure we'd be stuck when she asked how the baby would get out, but when I simply told her from where he would emerge, the resulting hysterical laughter ended any further conversation on the subject. So when the inevitable quest for information ensued, I expected the sitcom mother-daughter bonding moment to commence. Instead it was like explaining sex to Beavis and Butthead. Every mention of private parts brought on a bout of giggles, my morality talk seemed to backfire (eg. "So when I start my period I should look for a husband") and somehow she briefly thought the man disconnected tab A to insert it into slot B which required a couple of stuffed animal for visuals (sorry, Elmo). In the end she asked if daddy and I had sex, and when I answered, she said "I thought so!!" as if she had exposed some major conspiracy. So much for imparting wisdom.