Q-Tip Terrors

My 9 year old daughter is afraid of throat swabs. She has made it through stitches and shots with barely a whimper, but throat swabs strike terror in her soul. Yes, I know, I find this hysterical too. With all the myriad of uncomfortable and painful procedures that one can experience at the doctor's or dentist's offices, what is so terrifying about a little 2 second Q-tip action? Still, we go through the same rigamarole every time, almost like clockwork. First comes the tearful confession- "Mommy, I didn't want to tell you this, but my throat is sore." This is followed by at least 2 hours of reassurance and coaxing until I can finally look in her throat with a flashlight and see if she needs a doctor's visit. Next comes the hysteria (part 1) where she freaks out when I tell her we've got to go to the pediatrician- followed by another 2 hours of reassurance. Next comes denial- "Maybe I don't need a throat swab...it's probaby just sore from coughing/drinking juice/talking/dust,etc." Then comes acceptance- "I'm gonna be brave and just get it over with, I'm not gonna cry." After all this comes the actual visit and hysteria (part 2).
If you have never seen a 9 year old absolutely freaking hysterical over a q-tip, then you have missed it. There she is, panicking, screaming and praying so loud that I can barely hear the doctor talk. I know it sounds cruel to find this funny, but when someone is screaming "Please God, destroy the q-tip" over and over again, it's hard to keep a straight face- and even worse, the doctor can't either. So I am holding her down, the doc is trying to coax her to open up and let us get this over with, she is screaming and fighting to grab the q-tip and the doc and I are trying to calm her down and keep from laughing at the absurdity of the whole situation. Finally after 30 minutes of hysteria, coaxing, soothing and bribes the doc manages to do the 2 second swab and we are mercifully finished. She is ready for a lollipop, the doc is ready for us to find a new pediatrician and I need a good stiff drink. And the thought that keeps running through my head is- what the hell is going to happen when she has her first GYN appt!?